Stony Silence
by FernandaShadow
Summary: Post- Civil War. How about Tony and Steve seeing each other again? Things could even work out after everything, there's just a little detail, Bucky is still here and it's seems like that brings back Stark's Demons once more, will Tony be able to handle it? How much does Steve wants to fix everything?
1. Chapter 1 Just another day

**Hello everyone. I wrote this fanfic and my friend Taylor on instagram helped me editing it (our accounts below, just giving credits)**

 **Hope you all guys like it, this is my first fanfic in English (My first language is Spanish) so I hope you enjoy 3**

 **Instagram accounts:**

 **@shadow.warrior.88 - mine**

 **@ultimate_stony - hers**

 *** POV**

Chapter 1 Just another day

Tony

Now everyday was just another day.

I must admit I miss them.. I miss those days when the tower was full and you could hear conversations everywhere. I miss the company, even if I never got involved, not because it wasn't nice.. it's just that every time I get involved with somebody things can just go wrong. I'm the one who brings the bad things, it's just that people can't be around me and feel comfortable. Honestly I understand why. People never know how am I going to react.

It was very stupid trying to picture a family where there wasn't one. I thought we would be together forever, but now we are here divided and the only person who stood by my side was Rhodey.

And this war had almost killed him.

I also have to admit that it hurts seeing Steve Rogers gone... There has always been some tension between us. It didn't take him long to hate me, but together it didn't take us long to notice that we can get along well. We didn't talk much and yet it hurts, it hurts more than I'd like it to. Watching that he was capable to leave without looking back. This last feeling is funny, I don't even know how to describe it, it's some kind of jealousy? I don't know.

It hurts admitting it but I would give anything to have someone who loved me like that, specially him, I don't understand why though.

"Tony."

"Rhodey."

"What are you doing here?"

I look around. I've been here for so long that I didn't realize that I was still in Steve's room. Another question is Why am I here, wasting time?

"Tony, you've gotta stop doing this to yourself." he continued seeing there was no answer. "Being here just makes you relive everything."

"What else am I supposed to do, Rhodes?"

"I don't know but you really should leave this alone. If you want to know how he's doing so badly, why don't you give him a call? That's why he gave you a cellphone."

"I want to know how are he is, but its not that simple. I pushed him away, I can't be waiting for an answer and... I don't need him."

"I think you do need him" Rhodey sighs and looks firmly at me.

"Tony, I'm telling you this because I care about you. You need to do something about this. Stop thinking about your ego and leave your pride for once. You're sinking and I don't like to see that you're not acting like yourself anymore. You spent the day here reading that letter over and over, then when you're done you go back to your lab just to create more suits. You seem to forget that you're human and you're not acting okay."

I've hardly noticed. All this time all I do is: come here, remember everything, think about what's next and when I'm done I'm off to my lab. In my defense, there's a reason to create so many suits. Don't they remember New York? Ultron? The battle is not over yet and we have worse things to come. Isn't it obvious? Divided or not I must be capable of protecting them all.

"Yeah, I know." I say standing up and walking to the other side of room.

"I just don't k-know how to talk to him... I don't know what to say and I don't know if that will change anything.. He probably just left the cellphone in case of a major threat.. In case I can't fight on my own."

"Just do it, Tony. I'm sure he'll be happy or at least surprised to hear your voice."

I look to the floor. I'm not sure what to do anymore. It's not my style of doing things. If Steve or any of them cared they would have called already, right?

"Stop overthinking, is this even worth keeping your self-image as "Tony Stark"?.."

"It's all I have."

"Don't let this be the last of you."

I look up, with seriousness in my eyes.

"Alright.." I pick the cellphone up. "But.. I'll blame you if everything goes wrong."

"Fine... I'll just leave you to it then." he smiles and he walks with the leg support I designed for him. It still hurts me every time I see him. I should have taken better care of him, how could I have let this happen?

I look at the phone feeling an intense fear. How long has it been since I've felt this way? I go to the cellphone contacts, there is just one "Steve Rogers" I get so many feelings.. I feel like can't even breathe... I muster up my strength and push "call".


	2. Chapter 2 The visit

Thank you so much for your review Anno1701!! I hope we don't disappoint you

Chapter 2 The visit

The phone rings. With every ring my heart feels as it beats faster and faster. With just a few seconds, he answers.

I hear a heavy sigh before I hear a response. "Thought you'd never call" I feel goosebumps begin to rise. Why is she answering? Where is Steve?

"Natasha." I say with a disappointment. "How are you?" I recover to my usual tone.

"I'm fine, we are fine." I feel a sense of relief hearing that.

"How are you? Rhodey is with you right?"

"Yeah, he is with me, he's been doing well."

"Well, aren't you going to ask why I answered?"

"Well... I am curious."

"Steve left a few hours ago. We don't know where but before that, he spent some hours here looking at this phone."

I pause. I can't believe what I'm hearing, I thought they all would be happy leaving me behind.

"What, can't believe it Stark? Why are you so quiet?" she laughs a bit.

"No, not really, Nat... Who's there with you?"

"The rest of us, expect Banner and Thor of course."

"So Barnes is still with you?" I don't even know why am I asking, it's stupid, I don't care.

"He is."

"Don't worry... I don't want to fight this time."

"I know, Tony."

"Also, I am sorry for what I said the last time we talked. I was having a bad moment and I guess I should have stayed quiet." again, not used to me saying things like that.

"I know that too... Wait, did you just apologize?"

"Maybe.. But, I've gotta go. I'm happy to know you're doing fine."

"I hope we meet soon."

"I do too... Goodbye, Natasha." I say hanging up the phone slowly. My heart is still beating fast and I'm not sure how to feel anymore.

I'm confused.. where is Steve? Why was he looking at the phone before? Does he really think about me? It doesn't matter now, they're alright and it's all that matters.

But I still feel empty. I miss them but that's not the worst part... the worst is that half of the team still hates me. I remember Barton's words, it's sad I considered him family. I just don't know anymore. I try not to think about it much and for moments, I don't.. But they became my only reason to keep going and I lost them, I feel that I don't have strength left but there's something that keeps me going.

Faith? Stubbornness? There are so many things to call it, but the truth is, I still believe this is not the end. I believe we can still fix this but I don't trust myself enough to make this work.

"Boss, you've got a visitor." F.R.I.D.A.Y's voice brings me back to reality.

"Who is it?"

There's no answer, it could be just one person and it's so improbable that I'm already hurt for thinking about him again.

I leave his office and head to elevators. The elevator opens and I feel how everything falls so quickly, I feel so much fear and anxiety built up inside me. The bad memories coming back, I really wished it was him, but now that I see his face.. here.. in front of me, I feel so insecure again.

"Stark."

"Rogers."


	3. Chapter 3 Sincerity

Chapter 3 Sincerity

Steve

I feel so nervous. It's almost hard to breathe. Tony looks really messed up and I'm still surprised at myself. I don't know what am I doing here, I know it's a bad idea but desperation brought me here.. I need him... I need Tony.

The past few weeks have been terrible. I haven't been able to sleep and my thoughts always bring me back to the same thing... him.

I couldn't handle it anymore, I needed to know if he was doing fine. Natasha has told me some things about him and now that I'm here I see that she wasn't lying. I don't think that he has been moving on, he looks exhausted.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"I didn't know anything about you. You never called." even if I tried to hide it, it stills sounds like I was desperate for the phone to ring.

"That's funny... I just called minutes ago"

"Wait, what!?

"Natasha answered, she told me that you left but she didn't know where you were going... And now you're here." he gives a faint smile.

"So you did call?!" I ask a little too excited, I just can't believe it. He really called!

"Wow..Really?" I ask again seeing he has no reaction, he is a bit off today.

He nods and just one thing comes to my mind.

"So we gave up, on the same day?"

He keeps looking at me, lost. "It looks like it." he's serious, of course, I almost forgot that he's still mad at me.

I sigh and prepare myself for this, I am here and I'm going to be honest this time.

"Tony listen.. I know that you don't trust me anymore and it's pretty obvious why. It's just, these past few weeks have been really hard for me and you've been on my mind constantly. I really am sorry for hiding something that important from you. I know I already said it in the letter, but I'm saying it to you now... I am sorry. These are not just words, I truly mean it." I take a moment to let out a sigh of shame.

"I know I hurt you..."

I'm not really good at words but this just came out really fast because I've recited this conversation in my mind a thousand times already.

He looks down and takes time to think before he answers. "Rogers, I understand why you didn't tell me.. No, I really do. I understand why you defended Barnes, and I understand that how I reacted was wrong."

He starts to walk around the room like he always does."There are some things I couldn't handle and I reached my limit. Before going to meet with you and Barnes so many things happened. I said things and heard so much from our teammates, I-I just had too many feelings... Y'know, after the fight, I thought I actually hated you. But when I saw that we were going different paths.. I realized then, that I didn't. I just wanted you to stay. Then, there were more feelings.. feelings that everything I believed was wrong. You took Barnes and you left. For some stupid reason, I thought you wouldn't... but it happened. I-I-I felt jealous. I f-felt betrayed and since that moment I read your letter.. I felt abandoned." He stops at a window and continues to look outside like he couldn't look at me anymore. Reality hits me hard after every word. The way I made Tony feel hits me in my gut and goosebumps form on my skin. Am I even really talking to Tony? He's talking so carelessly, letting his feelings out, this is nothing like what he would usually do. All I can understand is... Tony Stark is broken and he doesn't even care anymore. I feel my heart beat faster.

"I shouldn't have left you behind." I say lowering my voice. I abandoned him, we abandoned him and it's more than evident that it affects him a lot. I never thought of that before... In fact, I never tried to understand his point of view, I just tried to think of him and what he had being doing all this time but never in his point of view.

"I know it doesn't help by saying this again, but I am sorry for leaving you here. I was scared and selfish because I didn't know how were you going to react and I thought it would be better to give you some time alone, but that... that was just another mistake."

He looks at me again with the same serious face he's had since I got here.

"I understand Rogers." he takes a seat and indicates me to sit with him.

His smell of cologne hits me in the face as I take a seat. That special scent that only he has... it gives me a sense of nostalgia. We sit there, looking at one another, but neither of us does a thing, I can't believe he is with me again and judging by his facial expressions, neither does he. A new feeling grows in me, I feel like I need physical contact, it's strange but I need it.

"Tony?" I ask while putting my hand over his shoulder. He gets scared, holds my hand and stops me. He's surprised at his reaction and lets go of me.

"I'm sorry.. I-I don't know what was that." he says nervously and confused. I don't get it, is he afraid of me?


	4. Chapter 4 Rhodey

•Chapter 4 Rhodey

Rhodey enters in the room with his robotic leg support. I get chills. He looks at me with the same seriousness Tony gives me.o

"Captain, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." I grant him a small smile.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I just needed to know how you both were doing."

"Well I think you know now.. how we are doing." he says looking at Stark, implying that everything's not okay.

"Well.. Steve, is that all?"

"Come on Rhodey, we can't be separated forever."

"That's it! The team doesn't need me anymore." Stark interrupts. "It's useless to keep trying... We are fine. You can just leave in peace." he stands up and goes away, leaving me alone with Rhodey.

I'm having a hard time not going after him, he was just here some seconds ago.. with me. I don't want him to leave again. Not like this.

"I mean, I'm sorry for saying this.. but it's true." he breaks silence. "Tony and I aren't necessary anymore, and even if we were, we are not in condition to go back... But don't worry, he has being building a lot of new suits. I'm sure he'll send them in case you're in trouble."

"It's not about the protection or if you're necessary or not. I want you guys back, I'm not here to fight like last time. I'm not planing on leaving again without both of you." I cross my arms. "We were like a family and that doesn't need to change."

"Now you care?" he asks a bit angrily. "You have no idea what's going on here, do you? Tony thinks he lost a friend because of my accident but I'm the one he lost. There's not "Tony Stark" anymore.. and guess who was too far away to even know about it. Now you decide to come here, to take us with you or whatever. That's just crazy. Steve, you need to stop here because you're not being realistic."

"I know I did wrong! I never wanted to hurt him so badly! I'm here now though, I do want to fix it, I'm aware that it won't be easy and I don't deserve it but that isn't going to stop me. Just.. please forgive me. You know that I didn't want all this to happen the way it did."

Rhodey looks down to think for a moment and lets out a large sigh. "You're right." he says more relaxed. "It was everybody's fault... D-don't take the blame for all of it." I'm glad to have him back, I think to myself.

"I-I'm sorry I got so mad.. but I think you understand I'm feeling kind of desperate in this position."

"I seriously don't understand how you survived all of this... How are you?"

"We're trying to get better. You know how stubborn Tony gets."

We start to talk normally. God, it feels good knowing we can get past all of this. I know he has forgiven me because he talks as if he understands. He has always been the most comprehensive of the group.

"Steve, uh... y'know, if you want to come back or stay, you're welcome, even if Tony doesn't say so himself."

Stay here? I haven't even thought of that, I really don't want to leave like this. I can't leave Tony like this.

"Well... yeah, I think I'll stay."

He lets out a smile. "Good... You know where your room is."

I nod and say goodbye just to go to the mentioned place.

I open the door and so many memories come flooding back. Living here was really good for all of us, even if we didn't get to mention it. We've all had really good times here. It hurts me to know that we ever left.

I walk into the room and the familiar circular object, colored with red, white and blue calls my attention immediately. The Shield. I can still remember the days when I would use it, throw it, catch it... drop it. I walk to my old desk and take a seat. I can smell Stark's scent all over here. He was here before. I look at the shield and more memories come back. I flashed back to the moment to the shield was punctured into his arc reactor... All I can remember is him covering his face, scared. The face you would make, if you thought you were going to die... He really thought I was going to kill him...

These thoughts are agonizing. I began to feel a sense of self hatred. It does make sense that he would be afraid from me. I would be afraid of me too.

Tony*

"Boss, the suit is ready." F.R.I.D.A.Y informs me while I keep writing suit ideas.

"Is Rogers still at the tower?"

"He is currently at his room." Why? Oh my goodness, Rhodey what did you do?

I sigh heavily and lay my back on the table. I look at the roof and began thinking about everything.

He is actually here. He really is.

Seeing him is all I ever wanted after all this time, but I was just feeling so mad about everything.. I didn't let that show.

I can't believe we spoke the truth so easily, but here's what comes after every happy thought. Does it really matter?

Sometimes I think THEY are all that exists in the world, but sometimes I think that nothing matters. Like..

Should I even keep trying? If so, why? For what?

 **Guys... thanks for all the support 3**


	5. Chapter 5 My demons

Chapter 5 My demons

"Boss, may I remind you that you've been awake for 72 hours?"

Now, where did I hear that before?... Jarvis. Just artificial intelligence, but since he's not here, things have been different. I miss him. He's been the only voice who has made me company every day after all.

I feel exhausted, maybe I should close my eyes for a moment.

I start to appreciate the silence, my eyelids no longer feel heavy, and I can breathe calmly. I could stay like this forever.

Images, sounds and voices start fading in.

"Charlie Spencer.. you murdered him." that woman...

Things have a bigger meaning now. We saved Sokovia and we felt triumphant.

I know we can't save every person but we seemed not to even care. We almost forgot that everybody has a family and suffers for every person that they lose.

"My son is dead... And I blame you." she repeats.

Suddenly the scenario was changed.

Zemo, Steve, Bucky. I keep reliving this fight over and over. I can feel it.

Steve looks at me with so much anger in his eyes, I'm going easy on him but he isn't doing the same thing. I give up and end up on the ground, he hits me hard. The intense look scares me, and when he takes the shield up I can't do anything but cover my face with my arms in defense. I just feel pain, betrayal and sadness. I don't know what's worse, knowing that we are fighting like this or the fact that I trusted him when I knew I couldn't trust anyone. I don't know if knowing about my parents' death is a relief or a nightmare, but what's worse is that I have no one to blame.

"Tony!"

Everything begins to distort. I open my eyes and snap back to reality. Oh I was sleeping... I'm at the lab. I'm okay, or at least that's what I say to convince myself while my heart beats fast and my body is all sweaty. I start to feel all anxious when I get up to get some air. I've been waking up like this recently.

"Tony?"

I look to my right and see Steve approaching me. I stand up and walk to the glass that is separating us.

"What are you doing here?" I ask sternly.

"I came to see what you were doing." He stares at me. "...Are you okay?"

"Not that you care." I give a step back. "Get out of here.. Stop wasting your time."

"Why do you keep assuming that I don't care?"

I look at him annoyed by that question. "Please tell me that you didn't just ask that." It's such a stupid question, he knows damn well why.

He stays quiet without taking his eyes from mine.

"Please go." I whisper. I really don't want him to but I'm too mad that he can do whatever he wants with my feelings.

"I won't leave without you."

"You're still wasting your time."

"That's how you see it."

"Stop!" I raise my voice.

"Let me in!" Steve does the same.

Silence comes. I don't know what to do.

"Please..." He whispers more calmed.

I sigh and open the door. He comes in and a rush of nervousness makes its way to my gut. Did I do the right thing?

"Tony, I'll be frank with you."

"We did everything wrong... but that doesn't mean it has to stay like this. You have a thousand reasons to think that I don't care about you, but I want another chance. I hate this situation. You're hiding from everybody, even yourself. I want to stop this. I need you to be yourself again."

I freeze. I'm not used to this, no one has ever cared about me . I don't know what to say... All I know is that Rogers has been so sincere. I can't ignore that.

"S-Steve I.."

"Don't talk." He says walking to me.


	6. Chapter 6 Trust?

Chapter 6 Trust?

I began to feel nervous. I can't read the expression on his face. Before I realize it, I'm already into his arms. I freeze again.. It's been so long since I've had one, I forgot what a hug feels like. I even forgot what a hug was. He is so much bigger than me, I fit perfectly into him like a puzzle piece. Almost as a reflex, my arms surround him. His warmth against me made my whole body melt into his.

"I need you to trust me." He tightens the hug. The feeling of him holding me... caressing me. I could stay in this position for eternity.

"Tony, you don't have to keep going like this. Nobody wants to see you like this. I don't, cause...I-I care about you... Please trust me." He repeats.

"I want to, but..." I stop talking. I feel weak, my voice cracks and my eyes feel wet. W-what is this? I don't cry... ever. His words mixed up every feeling inside of me. There are just too many of them and I feel like I can't do anything anymore.

"But what?" He asks with a warm voice. Who is this Steve? What is this between us?

The first tear falls onto his shoulder. He stays quiet for a few seconds. "T-Tony? Are you crying?" I don't feel as if I can answer, so I don't. He tries to separate the hug to look at me but I don't let him. I hold him tighter. I feel him nod and his hand brushes up and down my back. He understands.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. I nuzzle my head into his shoulder trying to stop from crying, but it's impossible. My heart is beating so fast.

Steve

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "Why is he apologizing? I can't avoid this horrible feeling, his tears falling on my shoulder. This man never cries, this is surreal. I can't believe it. I don't know what to do to take his pain away.

"Tony don't- don't apologize for anything."

He begins to sob. My chest tightens with pain.. but I know it's better for him to let everything out.

I close my eyes and we stay like this, for what seems like forever. He keeps sobbing and I keep stroking his hair and his back. I needed this hug.. to feel him in my arms and I can tell he did too. I don't want this to end. I don't want this connection between to be the last.

Time flies and he becomes more calmed. I slowly separate the hug to look at him directly into his eyes, there's so much sadness in them.

"Thank you." He says after silent seconds has passed. "Thank you, Steve..."

"It's okay." I smile gently.

After some minutes of silence we decide to go upstairs just to talk with each other. Rhodes is there and looks at us surprised.

"Uh... D-Did I miss something?"

"We just talked." I answer without giving any details away.

"Did you guys come to an agreement?" He asks. I shake my head. "No. I think we need some rest from that subject, we just had a sincere talk."

"Okay... Thanks for that." He says looking at Tony, who has been standing there quietly looking at the floor.

"Are you staying in the tower?" He returns to me.

"Well... only if you guys want to. I'll totally understand if you don't."

"Stay." Tony says still looking at the floor. "We will see what happens later, but for now... you're okay here." A strange feeling of happiness rushes over me.

I can s-stay... w-with him.

Hours ago I couldn't even imagine myself in front of him, but now.. now I know we can do this. But the first thing that has to change here is the way Tony takes care of himself. He is all tired and broken and I know it won't be an easy fix. Tony's spark is absent. There are some things that you don't appreciate until they're gone... This is one of them.

The evening comes and Rhodey leaves. It's just Tony and me now. Then all of sudden the phone rings and I answer quickly.

"Yeah?"

"Steve, what's up? Are you okay?" Natasha asks a bit worried.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Where the hell are you? You never leave for more than two hours."

I look at Tony. "I'm... I'm with somebody."

"What? Who?" I pass him the phone to Tony and he gives me a gentle smile. He then puts her on the speaker.

"Steve?"

"Agent Romanoff." Tony says.

She stays quiet for some seconds. I really wish I could see her face now, she must truly be surprised.

"Wow.. I've got nothing to say." She laughs a bit. "D-Do you want us all to come there?"

"No, not yet. We're taking it slow. I'd like to stay here for a few days." I say.

"Sure, I understand." I hear some voices echo in the background "Uhhm.. Bucky wants to see you, Steve" she replies.

I look at Tony, instantly there is frustration in his face at the thought of Bucky.

"I'll see him when I go back." I reply.

"Tell him to come here." Tony tries to look normal but I know it was not easy for him to say that. I grant him a curious look without saying a word. "It's fine Steve, I don't want to fight him." That's not what I'm worried about.

"But..."

"I insist." he answers stubbornly.

"Fine, I'll see you guys there tomorrow." Bucky speaks on the phone.

"Alright then... Bye." I hang up. Bucky here? This cannot go well. I wanted to calmly take things slow. Why does he randomly want to come here?

"Tony this is not necessary. This is a bad idea." I take the phone. "I'll tell him not to come."

"It's okay Steve, really."

I look at him for a moment, speechless. He stands up. "Well, people usually go to sleep at these hours... so, you know where your room is. The tower is all yours, do whatever you want."

"You're going to sleep too." It comes out as if it was an order. He gives me a smirk.

"You know, Rhodes tried to play babysitter with me and he's already given up. I highly recommend you not to waste your time."

"Fine. I won't bother you." At least not for today... "Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Take care..."

He smiles and nods.

"You too" a warm feeling forms inside me.

And with that, he leaves. I head off to bed, worrying about tomorrow. What will happen when Bucky gets here? I really don't think Tony is ready, but maybe I'm thinking about this too negatively. What's the worst thing that could happen? Tony doesn't plan on fighting him...

I just hope that things won't begin to fall apart before they are even reassembled


	7. Chapter 7 Spying Tony

Chapter 7 Spying Tony

The morning comes. I wake up and look around. Waking up here brings back so many memories. I suddenly feel a rush of nostalgia and a slight smile creeps onto my face. I remember how mornings used to be with everyone here. Everyone, except Stark, who always seem to be away and isolated.Now I know that it was a way of him protecting himself. Things that never really mattered to me are now the most important. I don't get it. What's wrong with me?

I leave my room and head down to the living area. I step out of the elevator and notice that everything is silent and empty. Where are they? Maybe I should go to the lab. If Tony isn't anywhere else, he's definitely in his lab.

I take the elevator down to the floor of the lab and there is Tony. He seems to be tinkering with something, but of course that is no surprise. I stand around the corner of the glass so that he can't see me. I don't really know what I'm doing. He seems so busy and I just don't want to bother him. Maybe he needs this to cope with the fact that Bucky is coming over today. I stay around the corner and observe the genius play-- billionaire philanthropist in his natural habitat. I know that I shouldn't be spying on him but I feel like a need it.

"Jarvis. Update on the new suit?" No one replies. "Uh... sorry. F.R.I.D.A.Y?"

"All ready boss. Do you need anything else?"

"Nothing." He walks around the lab.

"Boss you're receiving a call from Ms. Potts."

He sighs and answers on his computer.

"Yes?"

"Tony." The voice rumbles around the room.

"Is everything okay?"

"We need to talk." She sounds worried.

"Uhm.. what for, exactly?"

"I don't want this to end bad."

"Pepper... We're okay."

"You were very disappointed that day." What day? I think to myself.

"I couldn't believe it.. that's all."

"Tony, try to understand me, please... I c-can't be with you. You make everything hard for me. I love you, please understand that I do, but I can't handle it anymore."

That hurts, I don't know much about their relationship but I'm sure that Tony wouldn't make things harder for her on purpose.

"I got it." His voice sounds off now. "I guess we have nothing else to discuss. Thanks for supporting me for the past 10 years." He hangs up without giving her a chance to reply. There's only silence. Maybe spying on him wasn't such a very good idea. This is private, this is Tony's business.

But now I know that they're not together anymore...

He walks to a shelf and takes out a whiskey bottle. I was just about to go and stop him but something unusual happens. He doesn't do a thing. He just looks at the bottle for a minute.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y, what's wrong with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know about- ah..." he closes his eyes. "I don't even want to mention it... New York, and everything that happened after that. I thought it was all gone but I feel like I could go nuts again lately. Did it came back?"

What is he talking about? What is that thing he doesn't want to mention?

"It was never gone boss... you just had a good period."

"Good period." He whispers frustrated.

"Barnes has arrived, boss." Oh crap. Why so early?

I run around the corner before Tony turns and heads for the elevators. Rhodes is already there in the living area and gives me a look.

"Spying on Tony?"

"N-No I was just searching for him..."

"It's okay. I've spied on him too, it's very funny when he talks to all his machines." He smiles. "Anything interesting?" I cannot tell him what I just heard about Pepper. That's something we shouldn't get involved in, unless Tony tells us. However, I do want to know what happened after New York and what's making him act so weird?

"Well he said something interesting about something that happened after New York. That something is... wrong with him?"

His smile fades as I say that. "Oh no..." he sits up straight. "Cap, I don't know if I should talk to you about it. I'm sure that's something he'd rather not have going around."

"It's okay. I understand, I prefer him to tell me when he trusts me enough."

"Much better. So... is Barnes already here?"

I nod. "How did you know?" I had to play it off somehow.

"You know, F.R.I.D.A.Y usually alerts those kind of things to everyone. Im sure she already alerted you on your room." he laughs.

We wait for him to get up onto our floor. Not much time passes until the door opens.

"Steve! Did you fix everything?" He asks immediately walking over to give me a hug.

"Not entirely, but we are working things out."

"Well that's an improvement." He stops hugging. "Where is Stark?"

"Here." He says looking at us from the other side of the room. When did he get here?

He walks here nervous without looking us at the eyes. I've never seen him like this. Meanwhile, Bucky looks pretty calmed.

"Barnes." Tony says giving a hand to Bucky.

"Stark." Bucky says as he shakes his hand.

"I'm really sorry for.."

"Let's not worry about that. It's fine."


	8. Chapter 8 Barnes

Chapter 8 Barnes

Tony

I feel the looks the others are giving to Barnes and me. My hands start trembling as the memories of the fight come back accompanied with the memories of my parents. My mother dying, suffering. I can almost feel it now. The pain she must have felt, her disbelief.. Her anxiety... oh no, not now...

"Thanks" I say taking a step back to stop the feeling of looks that were giving me.

"And how are you adapting to the rest of the avengers?" Rhodey asked Barnes to break the tension apart.

But my heart begins race. My breathing gets unstable and I start to get dizzy.

I see Barnes answering Rhodey, but I can't hear it anymore, everything feels surreal. I only know one thing... I need to get out of here.

"Just a minute." I say trying to excuse myself, but that's the least important thing now. I leave the room instantly and before I know it I'm running to my room.

Not now, everything was going fine...

I try to breathe, but there is no air.

I feel like drowning now. Inhale, exhale... nothing!

My head keeps spinning and before I notice it, I'm already on the floor.

My arms tingle. An intense fear invades my chest.

I keep inhaling air, desperate in these seconds that feel like minutes.

And now my focus on everything stops, a new feeling approaches. I'm being watched. It can't be... it's Steve...

He tries to approach me but I can see he's a bit scared of what's happening.

"No." I say lifting my hand to stop him. "I need air. Don't come near me." It is a weird thing to say but it feels like he is stealing all the air in the room.

"Just... focus. B-breathe." He says giving a step back.

I close my eyes and try to do as he says. I try to focus only on breathing. Inhaling and exhaling once again.

The silence helps and my breathing begins to stabilize. I begin to feel better. I open my eyes and Steve is looking attentively, he approaches me again, but slowly, being careful of his movements.

"Tony?" He asks after some minutes of pure silence with a low tone. I stay silent. I got nothing to say. This is the last thing I wanted. "Are you okay, now?" He insists.

"I'm fine."

"Want to talk?"

"Not really." I sigh. "But you saw it anyway."

"It's okay." He puts his hand on my arm. I instantly feel as if I can trust him again. I'm not sure why. After only two or three days, I feel as if I can, but I know that I shouldn't. What's happening? I'm not afraid of telling him this anymore.

"See, Steve... after New York I started having problems. I had nightmares that didn't let me sleep and I had these... panic attacks, like the one you just saw. Time passes and everything was gone. I thought it was fixed somehow... that it was over, but here I am." I resume it as much as possible. I just can't stand talking about this. "It was never gone." I whisper.

"Why is that? Do you need help? Does anybody knows?" He storms me with questions.

"Don't worry. It's much more simple than it looks like."

"No, you're not getting rid of me that easy. I'm scared... you still haven't got your color back."

"It's just a phase. I mean it, it's nothing."

"It was for New York before. Is this now about Bucky?"

"No-no!... I-I don't know..."

"Wanna stay here? I can go and explain it to him."

"No. I'll go with you."

"No."

"Steve, This isn't Barnes fault. I don't want to leave it like this and I don't want him to think I still blame him."

"I'm sure he will understand. I need you to stay here until you're feeling better. Okay?"

I laugh a bit. "I'm okay. You may have been surprised, watching this b-but it's nothing serious. Just a few seconds."

He sighs. "Just a few seconds." Repeats frustrated.

I look at him without saying a word. I really hate talking about this. It makes me so uncomfortable.

"I'm going to say goodbye to him. Stay here."

I nod and he leaves.

Of course I won't stay here. I already felt weak enough. This won't let me down.

I get out of my room and walk to them. I can do this.

My steps indicate to them that I'm here. They look at me. The same feeling crawls its way back up to my chest, but I suppress it as best I can.

Tony, what are you doing here?" Steve asks frustrated.

"I'm here to apologize to Barnes."

"It's okay Stark. I understand."

"Thanks. Uhm... y'know you're welcomed here. You can come and visit Steve any time you want as we figure things out."

"I'll take your word." He smiles at Steve. I feel irritated by that, and even more when Steve returns the gesture. Ugh... what do I care anyways?

I walk to Rhodey. "Well... we should be going. After all, you did come to see Rogers, so..."

Rhodey follows my lead and we leave. I look back at Steve and Bucky, to just see them smiling at each other.


	9. Chapter 9 Help

Chapter 9 Help

"Uh, Tony... is everything okay?" Rhodey asks me as we enter into the other room.

"Yes." I answer dryly. "Do you think this is a good idea?!" Now I just immediately feel anxious. Everything is happening so fast. If this happened to me with Bucky, what is going to happen when I meet the rest of the team?

"Steve and Bucky here?" He asks.

"All this. Do you really think we should go back to things like they were before? With the rest of the team?"

"Why are you asking this? Don't you want to?.. or do you prefer to go back to things like they were after everything?"

"Yes... because all of this is so wrong."

"Where is all this coming from?"

"I can't go back to it Rhodey..."

"But you were alright yesterday. Things were going so good." He looks at me like I'm making no sense. "Tony, what's wrong?" His face changed from confusion to concern.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know... you're all unsettled..." What? I'm not! Am I?... I focus on myself for a second. I'm sweating and moving around a lot. What is it now? "Sit down." He orders me.

I sit. I can't believe it. What is going on with me now?

I close my eyes for a few seconds. I breathe deeply and start to calm down. I am always feeling too may things too often and too rapidly. I NEED a break. I don't think I can take this any longer. I feel.. Pain and Relief all mixed up.. I-I don't know, I just don't freaking understand I can't handle these emotions.

I open my eyes just to see Rhodey who is looking at me with that mad-worried expression he always has.

Silence is present, I know what's next.

"You need help." He limits to say.

"I don't wanna hear this." I stand up.

"Stop."

I ignore him and walk to the door.

"Stop!" I can tell by the tone of his voice that he's mad. It's unusual for him to shout, but I don't know why am I surprised. If this week has been anything, it is unusual.

"Don't even try it. I'm not looking for help because I don't need any."

"Fine! Go away then! It's so obvious that you're handling things perfectly well on your own." He says with a very notorious sarcasm.

"And what kind of help do you suggest!?" I yell at him. "I don't want it! I can't have it! I don't deserve it!

"But you can't just keep going like this!"

"We live in a different world compared to the rest. Do you want me to go with someone to tell that.. What? that all my stories, including aliens and robots sound like fantasy?... We have to accept it, we are on our own."

"But you're not alone Tony! Why can't you understand that?"

"Rho-"

"Shut up." He cuts me off. "I understand what you're saying to me but we are here! When are you going to understand that?"

"I think we've all given him reasons to think otherwise." Steve interjects. Oh great! Now Steve is here...

"I'm only hear because I thought I heard screaming.

"See you later." I whisper annoyed at both of them. I don't want to hear all this anymore. I walk to my lab ignoring Rhodey's calls.

"Don't let anybody in F.R.I.D.A.Y." I ask as I get into the lab.

Steve*

Tony leaves without looking back, ignoring Rhodey completely. I stay quiet looking at him go. I want to go with him so badly but this is not the time. It's better leave him alone for a while, it's been quite a weird morning,

"It's impossible. I can't help him." Rhodey breaks the silence.

"It's not impossible. Just seems that way." I answer quick without taking the view from where Tony left.

"You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."

"We all want to be helped. He wants it and that's what bothers him. That's why he says "No" to everything and impatiently leaves those people who try to help."

"You seem to understand him... why don't you help?"

"I am trying." I'm taking out everything that was in me 70 years ago. I'm new to this feeling of risking everything for someone. I have so many memories with him that come frequently into my mind. Sadness, happiness, annoyance, etc. Now that I think in his point of view, I understand everything so much now. Trouble has always been there I just needed to see it more clear but it's not too late to help.

"I want to understand him."

"I wanted to understand him at one point too, Steve." He whispers bitterly and leaves.

I stay alone in the room thinking for a bit, but then I go back to meet Bucky.


	10. Chapter 10 Hello there

Chapter 10 Hello there...

Steve*

I walk to Bucky, he has no expression on his face.

"Seems like there are too many problems here." He says.

"You have no idea." I sigh.

"Do you really want to stay here?"

"No more than ever."

"I'll miss you then." He puts his hand over my shoulder with a smile. "I'll come here whenever I can." He comes near me. Very near. What is he doing!?

"Why miss me? We're together again, and it's only been a couple of days."

"It's only possible because of you."

We spend the afternoon walking around the tower, far away from Tony's lab or Rhodey's area to leave them both in peace.

Today was a very weird day, and it got even weirder considering the fact that Bucky was acting different, and standing quite close to me.

"I have to go. See you soon." He says before leaving. It's night already, I don't understand why he wants to be here so badly. When we were all together we spent time together casually, but not ALL day.

"See you." I smile at him, give him a quick bro hug and go back to my room. I hear him go and I stop at my door... I want to see how's Tony doing.

For just a second.

I go down to the lab, everything is dark except for a little corner brightened by one of his machines. He is quiet, fidgeting with his hand. I sigh. I can't go now, he clearly doesn't want any company. I go back to my room to sleep, waiting for things to get better.

Days go by and Tony is still not out from his lab. I have gone to check him constantly and verify if he's alright. He has been all quiet. Not even a single word from him and I'm starting to miss the sound of his voice. I haven't even heard F.R.I.D.A.Y. speak in days. I remember him that day walking around and talking to his machines. Even that is gone...

On the other hand I've had Bucky here everyday...

I stay in my room today, I'm doodle on a piece of paper just to think and clear my mind. Is it really impossible for me and Tony to be something?

Just before I continue to think more about that subject I get interrupted by a voice.

"Hey..." I turn around fast to look at him after all these days.

"Tony?.."

"You're still here..." he sounds a bit surprised.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He lefts out a bitter laugh.

"What? You didn't think I would stay?"

"No. Not with all this mess. I thought you'd have been gone by now."

"What mess?"

"Me."

I stay silent looking at him; he certainly doesn't know what he is saying anymore.

"Tony, you're not a mess."

"I mean.. look at me."

I stand up and walk to him. I put my hands on his arms slowly and look deep into his eyes.

"What is wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I am talking about. We were making progress, we talked but... since Bucky came something happened to you. Is it about-"

"Yes." He interrupts. He truly hates the subject. "Look Steve..." he looks down. "I recommend that you leave and forget about the past few days.."

My heart sinks to my stomach. "Do you want me to leave?" I ask fearlessly. No matter what he says I know he doesn't.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Steve... don't." He looks at my with those melancholy filled eyes.

"Now, why do you say that? I know the truth."

"You already saw how Rhodey lives here with me. You already know that Pepper left me. There's no way to handle this, it's useless to keep trying... I'm just hurting everybody around and I don't want to you get hurt because of me. I don't even know what am I capable of."

"But I'm willing to stay here for you, no matter what. I told you that in the letter and I'm telling this to you again now. You want to stop all this but you don't even try Tony. Look, you've been gone for days.. I don't know what you have been doing all this time. I don't know if you slept, if you had more panic attacks... I know you hate help, but for once, please let me help you."

He gives me a grin and looks back at the floor. "Why do you care so much?"

"I opened my eyes."

"But.. you hate me. I-I don't understand." I've surely made him believe that. I feel so guilty.

"No! I know I may have brought you to believe that but-"

"But what?"

"It's really stupid.. I think, I had to-... to lose you to understand some feelings."

"I really wish I could believe you."

"I've been waiting for you all these days. I came here to talk to you as sincerely as possible. I have been trying to earn back your trust the best I can, without pushing you too much."


	11. Chapter 11 Jealous

Chapter 11 Jealous

Im so sorry for not uploading in a long time, I was going through some things... you'll get more chapters this week

"Okay, fine.. you've got a point. I feel so much better now. Let's go back, let's talk about something else! Do you want to do something or stay here at the tower?" He says anxiously. Does he seriously think that I buy that?

"For now, rest." I point to my bed and he raises an eyebrow. "I'm not doing anything else until I see that you're better." I insist.

"I can't sleep and I don't feel like having you watch me doing it either..."

"I won't. I'll just be around in case something happens." He just keeps looking at me with that childish grin. "I'm not going to make you, but if you don't start doing an effort then things won't progress."

"Fine." He says irritated. "But just because I'm getting sleepy now."

I smile at the joke. I never thought Stark's actions were that funny, but now that I'm here next to him, it's not that entirely bad.

He walks to my bed and lays down, just as he places his head in the pillow, his eyes grow more tired. He closes his eyes and almost in an instant, he falls asleep. I get back to my doodling; something quiet, so it doesn't bother him.

Minutes pass and he starts to shuffle in his sleep, he's rolling around frequently in the bed. I get closer to him and put my hand over his shoulder. He stops for a while.

I yet again, get another weird feeling, a feeling that I need to stay with him... stay by his side.

I get into the bed right next to him, I face the other way so that we are now back to back. He stops moving completely. I suppose I should stay here just in case...

I close my eyes and relax, I start to doze off, but before falling asleep I turn and I wrap my arm around him. I feel guilty for taking advantage of the situation, but something inside me was asking me to do this, I couldn't fight it.

Tony*

I open my eyes and I find myself in Steve's room, but that's not what surprises me, what really surprises me is that I slept peacefully. I didn't have any nightmares or wake up all shaken.

I feel cool, calmed and comfortable and I don't want to move. I begin to notice that there's something over me, I look down to my side and it's him...

This is so bad... but, I don't want this to stop.. not at all.

What is he doing here anyways?

I sigh and my head starts taking me to other places. Guess I can't rest much. The memory of our hug travels to my mind. All of the times that we've talked just rushes back to me. I don't even know what to think about all this. I-I should be hating this, I should be hating him... but I don't. I'm getting warm feeling.

I don't like warm feelings, they always lead me to something bad.

I forbid myself to get attached with anyone. Warm feelings are always my first sign to run away but Steve... Steve makes me want to try again. Something that has never happened before.

"Is everything alright?" He breaks my bubble of thoughts.

I turn to him. "I didn't need a babysitter."

"Well, you weren't complaining about it."

I smile at him. Idiot. "Get out." I push him softly.

"You get out, this is my bed."

"I built "your" room."

"Oh shut up." He pushes back.

Then we stop and stay silent looking at one another, our thoughts racing in our heads.

"What goes through that mind of yours?" He asks as he observes both of my eyes as if they reveal the answer.

"I don't even understand, Steve."

"Do you still hate me?"

"No. How could I?" Why am I saying things like this? There are plenty of reasons to hate him, but I can't bring myself to do it.

"Yeah, I think I didn't think you did." He laughs.

We stay talking for a while until Bucky intrudes.

"Steve, come on." He says looking at us suspiciously through the door. Steve looks at Bucky and then back at me, its obvious that he doesn't want to leave.

"Go.. I'll go down to the lab. It will be open in case you want to come by." I assure him.

"Okay... I'll see you later." He says as he gets up from the bed and leaves with Bucky.

As I previously said, I go down to the lab, sit on my chair and rest my head in my palm.

I'm liking Steve way more than I should.

I stop myself from thinking about it too much and get to work.

After a few hours I get tired and doubt is consuming me. What are they talking about? What are they doing? I need to know.

I go up the stairs slowly, making sure each step is silent. I hide behind the wall in order to stay hidden. They're just casually chatting.

"Haha yes... Oh, hey?" Says Bucky. G

"Yes?" Asks Steve.

"Come here."

Steve comes near him with a confused look plastered across his face.

Barnes, without any warning, forcibly grabs Steve by the neck and clashes his lips onto Steve's. I can feel the anger rise inside of me. My throat tightens, mouth dry, and breathing suddenly becomes harder to do.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Steve basically shouts as he pushes Barnes off of him.

"I-I'm sorry.. I thought that.." he tries to explain before quitting and leaving without another word.

"Bucky! Wait-" Steve tries but Bucky is all ready out of view. Steve looks around the room searching for an answer.

I run quietly back to my lab before Steve decides to come.

I am INFERIATED. What the hell what that? What is all this? Am I-am I jealous? I can't be!... There's just no way.


	12. Chapter 12 Emotional wreck

Chapter 12 Emotional wreck

I get back to work for a short time until Steve comes in.

I look at him suppressing my feelings of anger and confusion.

"I told you I would come." He says friendly.

"Welcome to my lab."

He smiles and comes near. "What were you doing?"

"Suits."

"But you're here all the time. Don't you have enough of them?"

"There are never enough." I say serious. "I honestly don't believe that we'll be protected enough."

"I get that." He takes a seat next to me and gets lost on his thoughts for some silent seconds. "Do you have a drink?"

"Captain America wants a drink?" I laugh in surprise.

"I just thought, why not?'"

"Alright." This is just about that kiss, I assume he is trying to clear his mind?

I go to the small bar inside the lab and take the drink out to serve the both us.

We talk for a while. Jokes, laughs and serious conversations, but Steve didn't stop drinking. Unlike me, it's been weeks since I feel disgusted by alcohol, maybe it has to do something about my PTSD? Maybe it's just me... it doesn't matter, he is now so drunk that he doesn't even notice I'm not drinking with him.

I must admit.. it is funny as hell to see Steve like this, so careless. We've spent hours talking and it just felt like a few minutes.

"Hey." He says.

"Yeah."

"Something weird happened today."

"Oh yeah? What?" I asked nervously, what if he wants to talk about Bucky...

"Bucky and I-"

"I saw you." I interrupt as an impulse, I don't even know why did that come out so quickly.

"You did?" He laughs idiotically. "Well... okay, I don't know what to doo, I obviously don't see Buck like that. He is my friend. Sooooo tell me, what- tell me what I should do now?"

"I don't know." I turn and he starts laughing

"Ohh my god, you're jealous!"

"Jealous of what?" I deny.

He laughs even more and walks to me with an intense look on his face. He takes me by the hips abruptly and pushes me very close to him. I can practically feel his heart beating, aside from mine which might I add is jumping out of my chest.

"Don't be jealous Tony, I just want... you." What is he saying?! Did he just-- Before I can even respond, Steve cups my face with his hand, leans in and connects our lips together with such passion. I stood shocked at first but now I can't resist it anymore, my eyes close, my arms wrap around him and I deepen the kiss. It's so live, so passionate, so electric. This must be so wrong, but it doesn't feel that way. This feels right. But wait-

"Steve, what are you doing?" I slightly push back, my breath shaking.

"I need you."

"But-"

"Shh, don't talk."

He kisses me again, but this time not as long.

I feel so confused, more than ever, I don't understand what's going on, I don't understand why I want to have more of this.

He laughs once more. "Tony, you look so damn cute when you're confused." I feel my muscles unwind. These feelings.. stop... I can't feel anything for him. He is all drunk right now, he doesn't like me that way, and neither do I... right?

Now I put in doubt everything I've ever thought about us. I don't know for sure what these feelings are, but I don't want them.

"Steve..."

"Stop. Don't overthink it." He smiles.

Well, he is drunk... so he won't even remember this, right?

I throw myself back into his arms, he hugs me tight and I kiss him slowly. I feel guilty, but I suddenly don't care anymore. God I want this.

Minutes pass and I decide that we should probably stop before things get worse. It's night and he needs some rest. He's not used to being drunk after-all.

"Well, you should really go to sleep now. You look pretty tired."

"Alone?" He tests the waters.

"Yes. Alone."

"Won't you come with me and make sure I'm okay?"

"You're an idiot." I smile at him. "Come on, I'll take you to your room."

We go to the mentioned place and he lays down immediately.

"Good night." I say before leaving. Wow, those words, it's been years since I've said that to him.

"Aren't you going to sleeeep with me today?"

"I better not, Steve."

"Why nooot?"

"You want me here now, but it will be very different tomorrow." I turn off the light. "Sweet dreams." I say leaving immediately. I don't know if he will remember anything, but I do know that this is just a one time thing. His actions were the alcohol and the weird feelings from Bucky, nothing else.


End file.
